Help me get pregnant OR
Why waiting can be hard
Waiting to get pregnant can turn into a story of failure management for many couples, especially those who were only successful high-achievers before.
While waiting to get pregnant from month to month, initial wishing to have a child can go from a desire into an obsession.
Help me get pregnant, anyone…At some point you want nothing else but to know how it feels to hold your baby. To hug your child. You dream of that little face, with eyes like yours and lips like those of your partner. You make plans to progress with your career, but hope at the same time to get a reason to take a break from it.
Yes, it can really be that hard at times. I deeply admire all those people who are stacked in a waiting tunnel for what feels like a lifetime and still manage to keep their mental integrity together.
Relationships often change after baby-project had started, so simple talking and admitting that there might be some difficulties with getting pregnant is already a huge step in a relationship. It is essential that both sides accept this new aspect, talk about it and share your feelings. Waiting a long time to get pregnent can push both men and women to their limits, and no matter how long the couple has been together, they will likely discover new things about each other with every new month of waiting.
Sometimes ordinary situations turn into great pain. What is it that hurts most?
When your period starts again, after being late for several days and you were sure you were pregnant this time?
- Being happy when your friends are getting pregnant?
- Visiting children’s birthdays?
Although hard, this is still easy compared to the rollercoaster experienced by couples who may have been waiting for years to get pregnant. They often have to cope with challenges like these:
- How to put your mind together and go on with work and life, after another round of IVF fails?
- Are there egg donation programs available in our country? Can we afford them?
- Do we both want to consider adoption? Can we say goodbye to becoming biological parents?
- How far are we ready to go in order to have a child?
No matter how well a couple copes with waiting, there will still arise situations which can exhaust you, which can throw dynamite in the relationship if you are not prepared.
No matter how well a couple copes with waiting, there will still arise situations which can exhaust you, which can throw dynamite in the relationship if you are not prepared. Here are some possibilities and ideas on how to deal with them:
- No matter what comes next – mood swings, negative pregnancy tests, or a real infertility diagnosis – keep talking to your man. Give each other support and love. Enjoy knowing that you already are a family, and your only working on becoming an even bigger one. Especially when it comes to issues like visiting fertility clinics, or open discussions with friends and family, it is hard to be sensitive enough to your partner’s feelings (read here about how to address sperm testing).
- Not being able to get pregnant and the uncertainty of not knowing whether it will ever happen in an issue so strong that it does not leave any relationship unaffected. Paradoxically, the incapability to make a baby together can open up unexpected possibilities of growing and developing in other ways. Use them. Taken as a challenge, waiting to get pregnant can be a chance to dive into one another more deeply and become stronger as a couple.
- Holidays and parties can sometimes turn into a minefield. I wish I knew that before trying to get pregnant, I’m sure it would have saved me a lot of stress. Believe me, while waiting to get pregnant you are suffering enough and really don’t need to say yes to everything. So be selective about accepting invitations to family gatherings or any parties with a lot of children, especially the newborn ones. Simply, no. No, you are not in town. No, you have plans you made a long time ago. No, you must help to a friend who is sick, separated, dying, whatever.
- Together with your partner, focus energy on other projects and things which you both find exciting (and will not have time to do once you become parents). This is actually the best way of coping with waiting, but suited well only for couples who are young and have time.
- Practice how to answer difficult questions with your partner. The thing is, no matter how well you hide yourself in everyday routines, there will always appear someone who has nothing better to do than stab mental knives in your open wounds. Both you and your partner should have answers to standard insensitive questions ready so your life does not have to suffer.
For couples who have been trying to conceive for a long time, it is helpful for them to learn as much as possible about why they can’t get pregnant. It helps to gain some control and motivates them to act, to increase their chances of getting pregnant.
One good source of distraction for couples, and even more for woman is helping people in need. Or animals! Simple doing, caring and giving your best to victims of some sort.
For me it felt very good to get in touch with other women who were waiting to get pregnant, I could not get enough of that. All the lucky, happy, successful people I knew before just did not interest and did not inspire me any more. I discovered one particular internet forum where I could be my best self – there I was helping many clueless women understand their medical reports and laboratory findings. I was amazed to find out how many women suffer in silence, how many don’t have even the basic knowledge on their own body, or how difficult it is to live in the places where commodities of medical care are not self-evident like they are for most women who are reading this book.
In this, I was forgetting my own troubles to the point that they did not feel relevant any more.
This can help you to conceive faster:
Prenatal vitamins and folic acid (best is to start 3-6 months before you try to get pregnant):
To find out when you ovulate:
(I love simple LH-strips but some women prefer digital measuring):
Lubricant (swimmer-friendly and not sticky) and early-response pregnancy test: